Managing your inner critic

Everyone hears their inner critic from time to time. It’s that little voice in your mind that tells you that you should or could have done better. At different times, often depending on what it’s criticising, the inner critical voice can feel like yourself. But it can also be one of your teachers or parents, or other people you don’t want to disappoint.

Does your inner critic have a positive purpose?

However difficult it is to live with, your inner critic is your mind’s way of trying to help you improve. By pointing out your ‘flaws’, it’s trying to help you get past them, avoid embarrassment, and achieve your goals. The problem is, it’s too much like an over-protective or domineering parent. And like any nagging, it only makes it harder to do well. Multiple studies have shown that children need to feel good about their abilities to develop them. That holds true for adults too.

Your inner critic can knock your confidence. For example, it may tell you that something you know is right must be wrong. Or that what you have done isn’t actually any good. Or that you’re fooling people or being lied to, to spare your feelings. This last is often known as ‘impostor syndrome’, and you’ll find more about it in another blog. It can be dealt with in the same ways as any other type of self-criticism.

How to silence your inner critic

One good way to conquer your inner critic is to keep busy and focus on what you’re doing, especially the things the critic tells you you’re bad at. If you’re paying close attention to what you’re doing, you won’t hear the inner critic telling you you’re doing it wrong. It will be easier to learn to do it well, so the inner critic will bother you less.

As an alternative, meditation, mindfulness or self-hypnosis can help you learn to empty your mind of critical, unpleasant thoughts. Try a guided meditation. Plenty are available for free online, including one on this site – so your mind is less inclined to wander. Audios of affirmations (positive statements) can also be found online and can help drown out negative self-talk with positivity.

Other ideas for changing the inner critic’s voice

• Literally, change the inner critic’s voice. Imagine the critical comments coming at you in a completely different way – Donald Duck on Helium, for example. It’s hard to take his criticisms seriously.
  
• Develop a habit of making positive statements about yourself every day. As you work towards your goals you will be better and better able to believe them.
  
• Make a list of positive qualities about yourself, things you know you are good at, things you have done well, etc. Ask a friend or loved one for suggestions of what to include if you need to.
  
• Make a written list of practical evidence that proves or disproves what the inner critic is saying. This will help you recognise when a critical thought is irrational or simply wrong.
  
• If there is evidence to support the criticism, think about what that means. Would it really be so bad? How can you change what you’re doing to increase the chances of doing better?
  
• Finally, and most importantly, think about whether you would apply the same standards to a friend. Would you speak to a friend as critically as you do to yourself? Would your friends speak to you that way? Probably not, so work on being kinder to yourself. (If your answer is yes, perhaps you need some more supportive friends!)
  

For further information, try this article, which describes types of inner critics by comparison with Harry Potter’s teachers: https://www.jungcentre.com/inner-critic. It’s an interesting take for fans and non-fans alike.

And, of course, if you find that these self-help methods don’t work, please contact me to see if hypnotherapy might help you silence that pesky inner critic once and for all.