A couple of months ago, I wrote about helping your child settle into school after the summer break but, school anxiety can be a problem the whole year, instead of being a minor or temporary situation.

Three types of school-related anxiety are common; separation anxiety, test anxiety, and social anxiety, each with its own triggers and solutions. Many children experience these problems mildly or short-term and they may pass by themselves. In this case, make your child’s teacher aware of the situation and monitor them for a while. Teaching staff are often a good source of support and ideas.

Listen if your child is willing to talk. Take their anxiety seriously and acknowledge how they are feeling. Their fears are real, and even overwhelming, even if what’s causing them seems like a minor issue to you. But if symptoms persist or are severe you might need to seek more personalised help.

Separation anxiety at school

Children with separation anxiety will be unhappy and anxious about being left at school by whoever cares for them at home. They may refuse to interact with teachers or classmates. It is most common in children starting school for the first time, but some older children experience it too.

You can help reduce separation anxiety by practising short times apart before your child has to be away from you all day. Leave them with someone you both know and trust for short periods, increasing the time as they become less anxious. Try to stick to a routine in the mornings even during school holidays, and practice this as well so they know what to expect.

It can help both of you to visit the school before the term starts and get to know teachers and other children and parents, so someone familiar will be there.

If you worry about them leaving you, too, try not to show it. It’s normal for you to wonder about how a child is coping, especially if there is a history of problems, but they will pick up on it.

When the moment comes, make goodbyes brief and not too emotional. Develop a special – brief – ritual such as a hug or handshake, as a ‘time for school now’ cue. Don’t leave without a goodbye when the child is distracted. This will tend to make them worry that you could unexpectedly disappear at any time. Try leaving a note for them to find in their bag or lunchbox, so they know you’re thinking of them during the day.

Test anxiety at school

Despite the name, test anxiety doesn’t just apply to actual tests. Sports, performances, and presentations can all cause the same sort of problems.

Fear of failure is often at the root of test anxiety. Ironically enough, this can cause failure by making tests seem harder. Worry and anxiety tend to close down the ‘thinking’ parts of the brain – memory, speech/words and logic. All these affect your child’s ability to do well. Severe or long-term anxiety can also cause headaches, panic attacks, and poor sleep.

To reduce test anxiety, make sure your child prepares and practices for tests or other worry triggers. Let them know it’s okay to ask for help. Children with learning difficulties will especially need help; talk to their teachers to see what they can do. Help your child to work out a study system which works for them.

Tell your child about times you did poorly on similar tests if you have any appropriate anecdotes. And how you improved later. This lets them know it isn’t the end of the world if they do fail. Assure them that it’s okay to make mistakes, and praise hard work and effort rather than specific results.

Social anxiety at school

Also known as social phobia, this is more than simple shyness or being “the quiet one”. It can affect adults as well as children. People with social phobias experience high levels of anxiety in social situations, sometimes to the point of full-blown panic attacks. Sometimes just thinking about or anticipating social situations can be a problem. Medication might be necessary in severe cases, but there are other solutions to try.

Encourage your child to say hello or thank you to cashiers or bus drivers, to practice talking to unfamiliar people. Try slowly introducing your child to smaller-scale social situations; have one friend come to visit, then two, then a small group.

Be supportive and don’t say anything to imply your child should be different. Acknowledge that they feel bad and say it’s OK to feel anxious, but you’d like to help them feel happier. Talk about the anxiety as if it’s something that happens from time to time, and not part of your child’s personality. For example, say “I can see you feel anxious when [X] happens” and not the more general “you are anxious“. That makes anxiety seem inevitable.

Help your child to identify unhelpful thoughts, like ‘everyone will laugh at me’, and challenge them constructively. You’ll find some ideas about doing this elsewhere on this blog and although that article is aimed at adults, most of them can be adapted for children’s use.

General tips for managing anxiety can also be found elsewhere in this blog, and I also have some resources on this site that you can use to support your child at home.

If your child’s anxiety seems severe, it’s worth checking there isn’t a medical cause. A chat with your GP will clear this up. Therapy can also be helpful if it is offered by a therapist who is trained to work with young people. I work with those over ten but can offer a recommendation if your child is younger. Please get in touch for advice.

Author: Debbie Waller is a professional therapist, specialising in stress, anxiety and related issues, including gut-directed hypnotherapy to help with the symptoms of IBS. She also offers EMDR/Blast which is used for trauma, PTSD, phobias and OCD. For more information on any of these services, phone 01977 678593. 

Researcher: Rae Waller is an experienced researcher and writer with a special interest in mental health issues. Rae offers drafting, fact-checking, proofreading, and editing for anything from a leaflet to a website, a blog or a book, and can also provide diversity reading, especially for LGBTQ+ and autism-related issues. Please contact rae@debbiewaller.com for further information.