How to deal with loneliness

Loneliness, despite our header image, isn’t just about being on your own, it’s about feeling disconnected from others. And although, when you are alone, you might find it’s exaggerated, it can happen at any time. You can feel lonely even with others around you. Loneliness has been associated with both mental and physical health issues [1], so if you or someone you know is feeling lonely it’s a good time to take action.

How to beat loneliness

1. Take care of your health in general

If you’re looking after your mental and physical health, you’ll feel better and have less time to feel down. Even if you can’t get out and about, exercise videos are all over YouTube. Make sure you have plenty of healthy food in the house (tinned or frozen if necessary) rather than ordering unhealthy takeaways. And now might be a good time to try meditation, if you haven’t before. See my previous articles for more general ideas.

2. Keep connected with like-minded people

Talk about things that matter to you and (where appropriate) share your feelings as well as chatting about practical topics. Keep in touch with friends and family whose company you enjoy, by phone or Skype/Zoom. Go to a class or club focused on a topic you’re interested in, or do some volunteering. Meetup.com lists lots of clubs and community activities that might appeal and you can search by geographical area.

If you need someone else to call, there are plenty of mental health helplines, such as the Samaritans (116 123), who will be happy to hear from you.

3. Keep occupied

If you don’t have enough to do, take the time to clean your home really well, or learn a new skill like drawing or baking or singing. There are online courses in all kinds of things, and many are free. Try Udemy or Skillshare for some ideas. Staying busy will leave you with less time to think about how lonely you are and give you something interesting to talk about when you do connect with people. If it’s right for you, keeping a pet, or even a plant, can help – see my other blogs on these topics. Links: Pets – Plants

4. Join an online club

There are plenty of forums, Facebook groups and blogs out there on every topic you can think of. There’s bound to be a community you’ll enjoy interacting with. The internet shouldn’t be used to avoid in-person socialising, but if socialising in real life isn’t an option for some reason, it can be amazing. Try checking the Facebook pages of clubs in your local area, so if there’s one you like the look of, you can get to know the people already there online before you turn up to a meeting.

5. Be kind to yourself

Accept that it’s natural to feel lonely at times, just as it’s natural to feel sad, happy or anything else. But extreme loneliness is a problem. Focus on keeping your self-talk (the way you speak to yourself with your thoughts) as positive as you can – there are tips for this here. Remind yourself that even severe loneliness is usually temporary and will pass.

If it lingers, try noticing patterns such as what is happening around you when it is there and not there. This might help you work out what will get past it. Or get help from a therapist to move on and be happy again.

I’d be happy to help and you can call or email me.

Reference: [1] Hammoud, R., Tognin, S., Bakolis, I. et al. Lonely in a crowd: investigating the association between overcrowding and loneliness using smartphone technologies. Sci Rep 11, 24134 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-03398-2