Boosting the Self Esteem of Others
Self Help articles from Debbie Waller Hypnotherapy
High self esteem comes from being sure of your worth as a person; from knowing that you matter to the people who matter to you; from acknowledging your own talents and strengths; from being able to learn from realistic, constructive criticisms and reject damaging ones.
If you use the self esteem boosters I suggested elsewhere on this site, you’ll soon be recognising these things in yourself, but how can you help those around you?
· Judge people on their own terms, don’t compare them with others. If your child usually gets six spellings right, then eight is an achievement. Who cares if Freddie down the road got nine?
· Praise effort and achievement, but keep it in proportion. Wild enthusiasm for everything feels insincere and leaves you no way to acknowledge the bigger improvements.
· If you have to criticise, be accurate, polite, constructive and specific. “You missed this deadline” rather than “You’re always late”.
· Challenge negative beliefs where you can do so honestly and effectively. If someone says “I always fail”, remind them of a time they did well.
· Help others to keep problems in perspective, and to find realistic ways to resolve their difficulties.
· Encourage them to identify their own good points; be specific as to what you like about them. ‘Thank you, you are really thoughtful’ instead of just ‘thanks’.
· Encourage them to accept that the nearest thing to ‘perfect’ is usually ‘the best you could do at the time’.
If someone’s self esteem is very low, you may think they need help from a professional. Trying to force someone into any kind of therapy will be counter-productive. Just do your best to remain understanding and supportive until they are ready.
(c) Debbie Waller
Advice is given for reference only, and does not replace advice given by a medical professional.